


Say Goodnight, So I can say Goodbye

by skelejton



Category: Blurryface - Fandom, Clique, Skeleton Clique - Fandom, Twenty One Pilots, Tyler Joseph - Fandom, josh dun - Fandom, joshler - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 07:29:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11352735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skelejton/pseuds/skelejton
Summary: Josh Dun had pale blue hair and a broken soul. Tyler Joseph had a warm smile and a mission to fix him.





	Say Goodnight, So I can say Goodbye

  The yellow streetlights outside of the little boy's window flickered and caused the aggrandized shadows of the trees to disappear for only a moment. His tiny shallow breaths were the only noise in the silence that was drowning him, he could hear the chattering of his teeth as he pulled his thin sheets further up to his chin and curled his legs closer to his emaciated and sickly stomach. His father had left at 5:30 the night before and the glowing numbers on the digital clock that was placed on his beside table showed that is was 2:00 a.m., the little boy rolled over and stared at the ceiling that was starting to cave in due to water damage. At 3:45 a.m. the small child heard a noise he hadn't heard since his daddy had left, the gravel of their driveway and the rumbling of his father's rusting and dingy truck filled the silence like curded milk.  The little boy had pretended to be asleep when he heard the jingling of his father's keys and the familiar sound of his heavy footsteps, a stench filled his nose which smelled like a mix of alcohol and blood. The child hadn't asked for what his father had done to him that night, he hadn't asked for the beating he got when he had tried to get away, he hadn't done a thing to deserve getting beaten, raped and left a bloody, sobbing pile. His name was Joshua Dun, he's 19, and he didn't do anything to deserve the life he had.

 

 

 

 The morning was blinding as it brimmed Tyler's room with thick rays of luminous sunlight. He pulled his bulky comforter up over his head and let out an over exaggerated sigh before sticking his hand out of his sleep fortress and felt around on the nightstand for his phone, he pulled it in with him and squinted as the bright screen nearly put his eyes into paralyzation. The illuminated screen showed that it was 12:30 p.m., he turned his phone off and lay it on his chest before throwing the blankets off of himself and gathering up the energy to get out of his bed to start the day. He could smell that his mom was making breakfast, as she had done every Saturday for as long as he could remember, he didn't feel like eating so he went over to his keyboard and turned it on. Tyler had been depressed for what felt like his entire life, music was his escape, his safe haven; he had started writing songs at 16 when he was a sophomore and also when he met Blurry. Tyler had his fair share of scars and fresh cuts littering his body, he had his fair share of suicidal thoughts and he had his fair share of demons. Blurryface was who was there for Tyler when no one else was, Blurryface was there when Tyler had cut himself for the first time, and all the times Tyler had sobbed himself to sleep, Blurryface was there when Tyler was broken and fragile. Tyler thought Blurryface was his only friend. Tyler had a nice house in a nice neighborhood, he had a picture perfect family, there was only one thing Tyler was missing, happiness.

 It was a freezing and bitter cold day, Tyler dragged his dingy and timeworn ukulele case down the crowded streets of Columbus making sure to avoid bumping shoulders with any of the hundreds of faces passing by. He had never wanted to bother them when they seemed in such a rush. An icy breeze tickled Tyler’s cheeks and he shivered against the cold. He’d always loved the streets during the day when he’d haul his ukulele out to the same familiar fountain he’d begun playing at two years ago. It was such a breathtaking location and maybe if all the people disappeared for one day and left the sunny space empty for Tyler to roam he would feel that illuminating, bubbly happiness he’d felt as a child, but that felt like forever ago.

 

 

 Tyler could see the marble fountain ahead and hear the giggles and cheerful squeals of delight that emerged from the small children who played by it. Tyler approached it then stopped when he saw another boy sitting where he usually would have been. The boy looked a tad bit older than he was but he was a few inches shorter with a pale complexion and defined features. His hair was a bright blue that looked as if it had stolen the sky and his eyes were a soft brown that imitated the bark of a dogwood tree that Tyler had played on as a child. Tyler contemplated leaving, not wanting to disturb the boy, but then where would he go? Back home to his dark room to do, what? Sleep? He shook his head and started forward. He planted himself in the spot next to the boy who in return gave him a weary glance to which Tyler ignored.

 He set down the case and pulled out his ukulele. He’d been playing it for years to help soothe his usually racing thoughts. The boy stared up at him, confused as Tyler strummed the instrument. He began with a song he hadn't quite established a name for yet, a few children danced gleefully around in front of him as he played the first few chords.

 

 “She asked me son when I grow old, ‘will you buy me a house of gold?"  He sang, “And when your father turns to stone, will you take care of me?"

 

  Tyler had wrote the song as a gift to his mother on Mother's Day a few weeks ago. He was a cheesy son and it’d felt like a sweet idea.

  
_"You're annoying him_ ," Blurry had said, " _you should stop_."

 

_"You're annoying him."_

 

 Tyler’s fingers faltered on the strings and the boy glanced up with furrowed eyebrows as Tyler stuttered with his words.

 

 " _He thinks you’re weird_."

 

 Tyler shook his head and began strumming again in a dazed manner. The strum pattern was off beat and his voice was shaky and unconfident. The boy's eyes never left him though, instead they grew worried.

 

 " _Go home_ ", Blurry said firmly, " _Go home_."

 

 Tyler grew nervous and embarrassed. His eyes began to fill with anxious tears and a lump grew in his throat. He tried to sing through it, but the task grew steadily more difficult. People began to leave in obvious annoyance and Tyler stopped. His hands fell to his sides and his face fell toward the ground in shame.

 

 " _Go home."_

 

Tyler shook his head in defeat and began putting the ukulele back in its case when he felt delicate fingers wrap around his wrist. Tyler glanced down at the boy who he’d now established as Blue rather than a nameless person. Blue gave him a worried stare and examined Tyler’s face.

 

 “Don't stop,” Blue breathed, "please, don't stop"

  
 And he had kept going, Tyler had silently admired how the beautiful blue haired boy watched in awe as Tyler strummed the chords and had observed every feature of his being. He had seen how he fiddled with his finger as he concentrated on Tyler and he had seen how the boy with the universe in his eyes had beamed at him as if he was studying his slightest moves. After Tyler had finished his fourth song he had sat down, the boy with the blue hair gave him a small , nervous grin and scooted over to give Tyler a space to sit.

 After several minutes of the two boys sitting in silence Tyler had finally introduced himself,

  
 "I'm um- I'm Tyler, what's your name?"

  
 Tyler had been mentally beating himself,

 

" _you're so stupid_ ," Blurry screamed in Tyler's head, he doesn't care what your name is.

 

Blurry was getting louder and more persistent but Tyler waited for the boy's response, after a few seconds he had carefully looked over at Tyler and had quietly mumbled,

  
 "Josh".

  
 Tyler now had a name to put to the nameless audience member, it suited him, Tyler hadn't noticed before but he now saw that Josh had light freckles speckling his cheeks and saw how his cheekbones had soft curves that shaped his face. They sat in silence for another several minutes before Josh had looked over at Tyler and smiled warmly at him, Tyler had noticed a large bruise peeking out from the hem of Josh's shirt but hadn't said anything to avoid asking about something that was really none of his business.

 

 "I've never seen you around here, a-are you from Columbus?" Tyler had asked shyly while waiting for a response from the other boy.

  
 Josh had looked to him and gave a sad smile and nodded his head,

  
 "I've um, lived here my whole life but, I guess you could say I don't really leave my house a lot" He said quietly.

  
 Tyler nodded as if giving Josh conformation that he had received the information and then the two sat in silence for another hour or so, occasionally having small talk about their interests and their likes and dislikes. It was nearing two o'clock in the afternoon and Tyler had eaten nothing today, he had little money but he could see that Josh had apparently not been granted the access to a decent meal in a long time.

 

 "Do you wanna come to my house and eat some lunch?" Tyler had become a bit more comfortable with Josh by now compared to when he had first came across him earlier today.

  
 Josh looked up at him with wide eyes and immediately nodded his head, Tyler had already been worried due to the significant bruise on Josh's stomach but now Tyler could definitely tell that something was off with Josh. Tyler gave a nod of his head, packed up his ukulele, and he and Josh were on their way. His house wasn't more than fifteen minutes away, he lived in a nice neighborhood that was barely out of town. There wasn't a lot of traffic but he was only a short distance from the few activities that Columbus offered.

 

 Tyler and Josh had walked up the steps to Tyler's basic middle class home. It was a two story brick house with a front porch, a sizeable yard and a garage, it was really nothing great. It looked like every other house in the neighborhood and every other house in the neighborhood was as basic as the next, it was boring and plain and Tyler hated it. Josh, however, saw houses made for kings and queens, they were huge and luxurious compared to his dingy "home", if you could even call it a home. Tyler walked in and lead Josh up the stairs to his room so that he could put his ukulele up and remove his shoes, Tyler removed his ukulele from it's case and placed it in the stand he had bought for it. Josh looked around Tyler's room and admired all of the musical instruments he had acquired, he had everything from keyboards to a drum set. Josh had been playing drums at the local store since he was twelve, his dad had never really given a shit about him so it had never really mattered whether or not he was drunk and passed out somewhere or dead in someone's basement. Josh went over to the drums and lightly tapped the cymbal, it looked to be a set he could only dream of affording.

 

 "You play?" Tyler had asked plainly from the other side of his room while mindlessly doodling in a notebook.

  
 Josh looked up at Tyler and gave him a grin,

  
 "Yeah, you could say that".

  
 Tyler gave a confused look and smirked.

  
"Do you know how to play any Nirvana?" Tyler had questioned,  
Josh nodded with a grin.

  
"Can you play In Bloom?" Tyler asked with excited eyes.

  
Josh nodded again, taking a seat on the stool behind the set.  
Tyler grabbed his laptop and pulled up a demo of the song he had made without the drums.

  
"Here you go" Tyler had said, turning the volume up so Josh could hear.

  
Josh began to tap his foot to the rhythm and then began to play.  
Tyler's mouth dropped and his eyes widened.  
He had never cursed in his 17 years but _holy shit_ , this guy was good.  
Josh finished the song and Tyler stood up clapping with a huge smile on his face.

  
"Yes, I can most definitely say that you can play, th-that was _incredible_!" Tyler said, awestruck.

  
Josh grinned sheepishly down at the floor while scratching the back of his neck.

  
"I-it's nothing, really, just a hobby of mine." Josh had mumbled.

  
Tyler gave him an exasperated look,  
"Man, that's more than just a hobby. You really have a talent." Tyler explained in amazement.

  
Josh looked up at him with a smile.

  
"Tyler, it's nothing, really" Josh grinned

  
Tyler shook his head chuckling, "whatever you say man, _whatever_ you say."

  
"You want something to eat?" Tyler asked, opening his bedroom door.

  
Josh tried to hide his eagerness by replying with a laid back,  
"sure"

but really he hadn't eaten anything besides what he could manage to get his hands on his entire life.

  
They walked down the stairs and into the kitchen.

  
"Okay, let's see" Tyler trailed off as he opened the fridge.

  
"We have pizza, chicken, leftover tacos, what do you feel like?" Tyler said, looking over to Josh.

  
"Tacos sound great" Josh smiled.

  
He hadn't eaten a taco since he was 4, that was before his mom died. She used to make them all the time because it was Josh's favorite food.

  
"I'm pretty sure we're the only ones home." Tyler said, pulling Josh out of his short-lived trance.

  
Josh nodded while looking around at all of the family portraits that were hanging on the beige walls.

  
"If you want, I could ask my mom if you could spend the night" Tyler suggested.

  
He hadn't had many friends so if this had even the slightest chance of working out, he was going to take it.

  
Josh's heart jumped from his chest. That would mean he wouldn't have to go home and that way his dad couldn't hurt him.

  
"Yeah! That's sounds fun!" Josh exclaimed.

  
Tyler gave a nod of approval before turning to get the plate of tacos and walking it over to Josh.

  
"You like Mario kart?" Tyler asked while taking a bite of his food.

  
Josh quickly chewed his own bite of food and swallowed it down, "I've never played it before".

  
Tyler nearly choked on the food in his mouth.

  
"Seriously?" Tyler asked, astonished.

  
Josh nodded, slightly embarrassed.

  
After a few minutes they finished up with their food and Tyler brought Josh down to the basement. Sadly, it had been nicer than Josh's actual home. Tyler turned on the console and they spent the next few hours yelling at the screen and laughing and playfully hitting the other.

  
"Tyler are you down here?" Tyler's mom had asked while coming down the stairs.

  
She stopped and looked at Josh.

  
"Oh, I didn't realize you had company" She smiled

  
Tyler rolled his eyes before pausing the game and looking back at his mom,

  
"Yeah this is Josh, he's a friend of mine." Tyler explained to her, slightly annoyed.

  
She smiled widely at Josh,

  
"Well it's wonderful to meet you sweetie, you're welcome to stay as long as you would like"

  
Josh thanked her and she left, closing the door behind her.

  
"Your mom is really cool" Josh said while fiddling with his controller.

  
Tyler breathed out and smiled.

  
"Yeah, she's great"

  
Josh smiled to himself sadly and felt a lump in his throat.

  
Josh could see Tyler looking at him with a questioning look.

  
"So what's your mom like?" Tyler finally asked.

  
Josh felt a twist in his stomach.

  
"S-she's um, she's actually dead." Josh admitted.

  
Tyler's face dropped and he gave a sympathetic smile.

  
There was a thick silence in the air, and it felt as though it would suffocate them at any second. Josh felt bad for saying anything why couldn't he just have made something up?

  
_"Now look what you've done you dumbass"_

  
_"You've made him feel like he's done something"_

  
_"Just die already"_

  
_"Alone"_

  
_"Worthless"_

  
_"Meaningless"_

  
_"Just fucking die you failure"_

  
The voices in Josh's head rang and gave him a piercing pain. His heart ached and stinging tears threatened to fall out.

  
"Sorry" Josh mumbled, he could feel the pressure in his chest getting tighter each second that passed.

  
Tyler looked up and cocked his head to the side. His eyebrows scrunched up.

  
"What are you sorry about?" Tyler asked, slightly concerned.

  
Josh's breathing sped up and his head started to feel dizzy.

  
"I-I don't k-know I j-just figured that I made you feel bad and I-I'm sorry" Josh stuttered.

  
Tyler looked worried about Josh now.

  
"Josh feel free to tell me if I'm being rude" Tyler inhaled and then let it out before continuing,

  
"Do you need help? Is somebody hurting you?" Tyler questioned, leaning forward.

  
The front that Josh had put on crumbled around him. His vision went dark and blurry and his head started spinning. He felt as if he would vomit.

  
"I-I'm, w-what do, wh-what do you mean?" Josh stuttered with a shaking voice, his hands were trembling and his lip quivered with each word.

  
Tyler reassuringly put his hand on Josh's knee.

  
"Josh, are you being abused?" Tyler asked, gently but firmly.

  
Hot tears began to run down Josh's face and his stomach twist into a knot.  
He slowly nodded and sobs racked his body.

  
"Yes" He cried silently into his hands.

  
Tyler brought him into a hug and Josh sobbed into his shoulder. He flinched as Tyler's hand brushed over one of the newer bruises on his back.  
He cried into Tyler for at least an hour and Tyler just told him everything would be okay.

  
"Shh, it's okay Josh. You're okay now I promise you are." Tyler whispered gently.

  
Josh eventually calmed down and sniffled a few more times before taking a shaky breath and slowly letting it out.  
They sat in silence for a few minutes and then Tyler took a breath,

  
"Who is hurting you Josh?" Tyler questioned hesitantly.

  
Josh looked over and then looked down to his lap.

  
"my dad" he muttered defeatedly.

  
"Can I see what he's done to you?" Tyler asked again, quietly.

  
Josh shrugged his shoulders and then quietly replied "okay".

  
He gently lifted his shirt over his shoulders and bit his lip as the fabric grazed one of the welts on his hip.

  
Tyler's mouth dropped as he saw Josh's beaten and bruised body.

  
Josh was absolutely destroyed. Dark purple and blue bruises covered his entire torso and crimson welts were slashed along his stomach. His ribs were showing underneath the bruises and his hipbones were poking out from underneath his skin.

  
"Oh my god" Tyler whispered through the silence.

  
Tyler's fingers ever so gently brushed over a rather large bruise that was covering Josh's left hip.  
Josh flinched slightly as Tyler's' fingers made contact with the sensitive skin that hadn't healed yet.

  
"Do you want to stay here for a while?" Tyler questioned softly.

  
Josh nodded vigorously and Tyler gave an assuring nod.

  
"Hold on" Tyler said as he got up from the couch.

  
Josh heard Tyler's footsteps disappear up the stairwell and then heard the door shut quietly. Tyler's muffled voice could be heard and then a voice that sounded like his father answered. His mom's voice could be heard as well. Josh's heart was beating from his chest. He felt as though he had done something wrong, even though he was the victim here. He felt as though he would get in trouble by his dad.

  
_"What if he finds out?"_

  
_"He's going to beat you harder than he ever has before"_

  
_"You know how he is when people 'tell' on him"_

  
_"You're in for it now dumbass"_

  
Josh's legs were trembling and his breaths couldn't find a way to steady out.  
Shaky, shallow breaths barely filled his throat.  
Heavy footsteps snatched him from his thoughts. The basement door opened and Josh could hear three, or maybe four, people coming down to where he was sitting. Josh pretended to be messing with his hands and tried to act as natural as he possibly could.  
Tyler walked over and sat down beside Josh before giving him a sad smile. Tyler's mom and dad pulled up a chair in front of the sofa and they both had a look in their eye that made Josh feel as if he were about to vomit.

  
"Josh" Tyler cleared his throat,

  
"Uh, these are my parents, and they, just need to talk to you, okay?" Tyler said before smiling weakly.

  
Josh nodded apprehensively, slightly worried.  
Tyler's dad gave Josh the same kind of smile, he looked defeated.

  
"Hi Josh, I'm Chris, Tyler's dad" He introduced himself  
"My wife and I, we, we understand that your dad h-has _hurt_ you."

  
Josh gave a slight nod of his head, not making eye contact.  
Tyler's dad took a deep inhale before looking to Tyler and letting it out.

  
"We were going to turn him in to the cops, but we were wondering if you have a family member you could stay with." Tyler's dad continued.

  
Josh stayed silent for a moment before coming to the realization that he had nobody. His dad was the only person that was family that he had ever known other than his mom. He had never even met his grandparents.

  
"No" Josh mumbled.

  
Tyler's parents gave each other a look of confusion.

  
"You don't have _anyone_ sweetheart?" Tyler's mom questioned again.

  
Josh looked up with teary eyes,

  
"I guess it just comes down to the fact that nobody wants me." Josh stated simply.

  
Hot tears rolled down his cheeks and he tried desperately to stop his crying, but to no avail.  
Tyler put his hand on Josh's knee reassuringly and gave him a helpless smile.

  
"Hey, it's okay, _you're_ okay I _promise_ " Tyler assured in a gentle tone.

  
Josh wiped his eyes and cleared his throat, keeping his head down.

  
Tyler's dad sighed and rubbed his temple.

  
"Well you're welcome to stay here until you get your feet on the ground." Tyler's dad smiled.

  
Josh thanked him multiple times and then they once again left the two boys alone again.

  
Josh and Tyler sat in silence. Neither one knew exactly what to say.

  
"So, I guess you're living with me now." Tyler chuckled.

  
"Heh, yeah I guess" Josh replied back, guilt in his voice.

  
Tyler cocked his head to the side, and frowned.  
Josh stayed silent and didn't look up from his lap. Tyler was examining his every move. From the way that he was trying to make his already tiny frame even smaller and the way that he had his arms hugged tightly to his chest. His entire body seemed to be shaking and his whole demeanor had changed from the bubbly person he was only hours before.

  
"Josh," Tyler breathed , "You haven't done anything wrong, you know that right?" Tyler asked the smaller boy.

  
Josh shrugged his shoulders.

  
"I just have a bad feeling, like in some way I'm the one who has done something bad, y'know?" Josh looked up sadly.

  
Tyler was confused but somewhere deep down, or not so deep down, he understood Josh perfectly.

  
"Josh, he's done horrible things to you and you're getting help, you're not the one at fault here." Tyler assured.

  
Josh nodded, a bit more confidence in his movements this time.

  
"It's just that my dad is all I have." Josh muttered.

  
Josh looked broken when he said this and Tyler wanted nothing more than to fix him.

  
"You have me." Tyler said with a somber half smile.

  
Josh smiled back and gave Tyler a hug.  
Tyler hugged back gently, being careful of Josh's bruises and Josh leaned into Tyler's shoulder.

  
"Thank you" Josh breathed into the cloth of Tyler's shirt.

  
They stayed like that for a while, Tyler's arms were becoming tired.

  
"Josh?" Tyler whispered, trying not to ruin the moment.

  
There was no reply.

  
_"Josh?"_ Tyler tried again, a tad bit firmer. 

  
Again, no answer.  
Tyler heard light snores and realized that Josh had fallen asleep.  
Tyler smiled to himself and leaned back again.  
Josh was leaning on his shoulder and his neck was crooked to the side. Tyler took a sharp breath in, realizing something that he hadn't before.

  
Blurryface was finally quiet. Blurryface had been torturing Tyler for as long as he could remember. And now in his head there was nothing but contentment and quietness. Tyler fell asleep on the sofa and for the first time in a long time he was actually looking forward to waking up.

  
"You're fucking in for it now you little fucker!" Josh curled up on his bed and began to sob uncontrollably.

  
He hugged his knees to his chest and began to rock back and forth repeatedly.

  
"I'm sorry! Please don't do it dad!" Josh pleaded with tears streaking his cheeks.

  
Josh felt a stinging pain on his back and it continued so many times that he lost count.

  
" _Nobody_ fucking loves you!"

  
"Your mom didn't love you, I don't love you and _oh_ those are your only two options! Everyone else left your worthless ass!" His dad roared as his belt buckle landed on his already blistered and raw skin.

  
_"worthless"_

  
_"useless"_

  
_"stupid"_

  
_"unwanted"_

  
Josh sprang up, sweat covering his entire body. His breathing was heavy and rapid and he couldn't catch his breath for the life of him. He was in the pitch black and he didn't know where he was.

  
"Josh?" Tyler's voice mumbled sleepily.

  
"Are you okay?" Tyler asked

  
Josh shook his head.

  
"Just had a bad dream" he muttered, terror still outlining his voice.

  
Tyler pulled Josh closer to his chest,

  
"You're okay, he's never going to hurt you again." Tyler breathed.

  
_"Promise?"_ Josh questioned as if he were a small child.

  
"I _swear_." Tyler assured firmly.

  
Josh felt safe for the first time in his entire life. He had never really had anyone who made him feel like everything was okay since his mom.  
Josh fell asleep again, and he knew that this time he wouldn't have to worry about his dad ever beating him again.  
Josh woke up and he was practically on top of Tyler. The basement was dark but Josh could see morning light seeping under the basement doorway. The house was quiet and Josh was sure that if a mouse were to take a step he would be able to hear it. The basement was freezing and Josh's arms had goosebumps covering every inch of his skin.  
Tyler flinched and blinked his eyes open. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and tried to focus his blurry vision on Josh. Josh chuckled lightly at the faces Tyler was making.

  
"Morning" Tyler said with a raspy voice.

  
Josh grinned and gave a small wave.

  
Tyler stretched his arms out and his whole body tensed up as he loosened up his muscles.

  
"You hungry?" Tyler questioned

  
Josh shrugged his shoulders and then nodded. They lay on the couch for a few minutes more before Josh eventually rolled off of the sofa and his feet hit the carpeted ground. He tried to feel his way around but ended up hitting his shin on the edge of a table.

  
"I could hear that dude, that _had_ to hurt." Tyler commented from behind Josh.

  
Josh nodded, forgetting that Tyler couldn't see him,

  
"It did" Josh clarified, trying to ignore the throbbing in his leg.

  
Tyler walked over to the light switch and flicked it on. Bright light filled the entire  room and Josh squinted, trying to adjust his eyes to the no longer dark room.

  
"You good?" Tyler questioned, looking amused

  
Josh nodded sheepishly and laughed before walking up the stairs.

  
"My parents already left for work." Tyler added as he walked over to the pantry.

  
Josh nodded and took a seat on a reclining chair.

  
"Is cereal okay with you?" Tyler asked from the kitchen.

  
"Yeah that's fine" Josh answered while looking around Tyler's living room.

  
There were a few knickknacks on the fireplace mantle and family portraits here and there. Josh got up from the chair and took a closer look at the photos. There was one of baby Tyler on a tricycle smiling widely with chubby cheeks. Honestly Tyler still looked the same other than the chubby cheeks, he was in good shape, you could go so far as to say he was a bit _too_ skinny. He was a cute kid, _hell_ , he was cute now.

 

Josh had always been just a _tad_ bit gay, that was one of the reasons why his dad hated him so much. Josh had never really seen a girl in a sexual way, it was always more of a friendly way.

  
"Josh, I hope Frosted Flakes are okay" Tyler began, "Sorry, it's all we had."

  
Josh chuckled in response and happily took the bowl full of the sugary substance.

  
"We can watch T.V if you want to" Tyler blurted as he took a seat on the large cushiony sofa.

  
Josh took a bite of his cereal and nodded in agreement.

  
Tyler grabbed the remote and turned on the television that looked like it cost more than Josh's whole house did. A news network came on and people were arguing about some unimportant political topic.

 

Tyler browsed through the stations,

  
"Do you have any requests?" Tyler questioned, looking to Josh.

  
"Anything is fine." Josh replied lamely

  
 Tyler ended up stopping at some old movie that was made in the 2000's, Josh hadn't seen it before but Tyler seemed to be pretty into it.

  
"So what do you like to do for fun?" Tyler questioned through a mouthful of cereal.

  
Josh shrugged, he had never really had something that he called _fun_.

  
"I've never really had any money. So I guess that would limit my options." Josh admitted shyly

.  
Tyler nodded, he looked deep in thought. He began to talk but then he cut himself off, only to begin again,

  
"Not necessarily" Tyler smirked, "I have some ideas, but only if you're not afraid to possibly get in some _trouble_."

  
Josh cocked his head, "What did you have in mind?"

  
"JOSH HURRY UP THEY'RE GONNA CATCH US!" Tyler laughed from in front of Josh.

  
Josh was running as fast as he could and trying his best to keep up with Tyler. The cold air was burning Josh's throat and he had broke out in a cold sweat. His face felt numb and all he could focus on was following Tyler. They had three very large boys following hot on their tails because Tyler had said some things that they weren't very fond of. They eventually slowed down and Josh had lost Tyler but he could hear the crunch of leaves as the boys came closer.

  
_"Josh over here!"_ Tyler whispered urgently.

  
Josh looked to where the voice was coming from and saw that Tyler had found a spot that was covered mostly in greenery and broken limbs. Josh ran over and crawled underneath into the coverage of the leaves. Tyler was biting his sleeve and trying his hardest not to burst out laughing.

  
"COME OUT YOU LITTLE FAGGOTS!" a deep voice boomed, and from what it sounded like it was only a few feet away.

  
"YEAH, YOU FUCKING GAYLORDS COME ON OUT OF YOUR FUCKING HIDING CLOSET!" Another one sneered evilly.

  
Josh's heart was beating out of his chest and his breathing was becoming ragged.

  
"WE'RE GOING TO BEAT YOUR FUCKING ASSES WHEN WE FIND YOU!"  The first voice yelled again.

  
Josh was reminded of when his father was drunk and he would come bounding down the hallway and burst into his room with an empty liquor bottle and a belt. He used to beat Josh with anything that he could find, Josh would be terrified and know that there was no way he could escape. He felt exactly the same this time, there was no way he could escape and no way he could fight them off.

  
"Josh, are you okay?" Tyler whispered quietly, looking at Josh worriedly.

  
Josh shook his head with trembling lips.

  
"It reminds me of my dad." Josh whispered back, terror in his voice.

  
"They're gonna beat me like he did Tyler." he choked

  
Tyler shook his head,

  
"No, I promised that nobody would hurt you again and I meant it." Tyler replied with a reassuring smile.

  
"Shit, you've got to be kidding me!" One of the boys spat.

  
"My phone's on 1 percent and I don't know how the fuck to get home from here."

  
Tyler sneered to himself, glad that he was getting what he deserved.

  
"I'll get you fags! I promise you that!" The same voice shouted as the footsteps dissipated into the forest.

  
Tyler peeked his head out and examined the area surrounding them. There didn't seem to be anyone around but Tyler didn't doubt that those dicks would be pathetic enough to wait around for them.

  
"Okay Josh, I think we're good." Tyler spoke hesitantly.

  
"Are you sure?" Josh croaked

  
Tyler took one final look around and made the executive decision that they would be safe.

  
"Yeah I'm sure" Tyler assured.

  
Josh nervously came out from the place where they had been hiding. He looked around and listened for a moment. Tyler saw Josh's body visibly relax and noticed how his shoulders slouched. Tyler walked over to Josh and wrapped him in a hug and gave him the most genuine and comforting smile he could muster.

  
"I _told you_ we were okay." Tyler reiterated sarcastically.

  
Josh chuckled and let his guard down a bit more.

  
They walked through the forest of dead trees and bitter cold silently. The only noise was the crunch of leaves underneath their worn sneakers. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence or an angry silence, it was more of a thinking silence. Lost in thought and too preoccupied with their own mind to be able to talk to the other. They walked like this for a long while. Only the sounds of their breathing and footsteps to separate them from their surroundings. The sun had started to set and orange rays seeped through the trees limbs and onto the two boys. The sky had started to turn a beautiful pinkish blue and the clouds were starting to suffocate everything else, causing the sky to turn a beautiful lilac.

  
_"I heard there was a secret chord"_ Tyler quietly sang to himself, humming the words he didn't know.

  
"Did you say something?" Josh questioned while still looking down at his feet.

  
Tyler stopped singing and shook his head,

  
"No, just had a song stuck in my head." Tyler muttered.

  
Josh nodded, somewhat to Tyler, but mostly to himself.

  
"Keep singing, it helps calms me down." Josh mumbled.

  
Tyler smiled to himself and continued to sing,

  
_"the baffled king composing hallelujah"_

  
Josh released a breath he didn't realize he had been holding and grinned.  
Josh looked over to Tyler who was just speaking the words now in the tune of the song.

  
"Do you like that song?" Josh asked as he let out a dry cough.

  
Tyler shrugged his shoulders,

  
"It's not so much that I like the song, just the lyrics, I don't know how to describe it." he explained.

  
Josh understood what he meant perfectly but he didn't know if he should let Tyler know that. Tyler was odd from what Josh could tell, but he was a good odd. He wore hoodies and basketball shorts and he didn't seem to be much of a people person, he was the kind of odd that Josh liked. In his own defense he was quite odd as well. He believed that everyone needed a healthy amount of difference and change in their life. Josh had been sheltered to his fathers drunken environment his entire life up until now. He never had change, it was always the same cycle day in and day out. He would wake up go to a shitty school, deal with shitty people, come home and do chores and then get beat by his dad whenever it was he decided to come home. He never had change, he never had anything actually, and he turned out to be _everything but_ a healthy and well rounded human being.

  
"I have a few dollars, we could get coffee or something and go sit by the fountain." Tyler suggested as they neared the edge of the wood line.

  
"Yeah, that sounds great." Josh agreed quietly.

  
They walked down the sidewalk and into a small café near the fountain where they had first met.

  
The shop was warm and welcoming. It held the aroma of coffee beans and slightly of peppermint. Josh inhaled deeply and breathed in the scent. There were a few portraits of some Columbus landmarks and a black and white picture of when the store had first opened. There were only a few people sitting haphazardly at tables and booths. Conversations and the light sound of music filled the silence. Tyler and Josh took their place in line behind an older woman who looked to be in her 70s.

  
"Do you know what you want?'' Tyler questioned to Josh.

  
Josh looked over the menu and decided that anything hot would be just fine.

  
"The Vanilla Latte looks good." Josh answered.

  
Tyler smiled and nodded,

  
"That's my favorite"  
 They ordered their drinks and went to take a seat by the fountain. Water droplets would land on Josh's arm every so often and goosebumps would arise on his skin.

  
"Josh, I feel like we need to get to know each other." Tyler said while taking a sip of his drink.

  
Josh shrugged and then nodded.

  
"What is there to know about me? I really don't do much." Josh replied while examining his cup.

  
Tyler gave a breathy laugh,

  
"Well for starters, like let's say, what's your favorite food?" Tyler questioned coolly.

  
 Josh thought for a minute,

  
"I like anything really. I'm not a big fan of anything really salty though." Josh replied.

  
Tyler took in the information and gave a nod,

  
"What about your favorite band?" Tyler asked again.

  
Josh thought for a minute,

  
"I really like stuff like Green Day and My Chemical Romance. So like rock, but I'll listen to any kind of music." Josh said while taking a small sip of his coffee.

  
Tyler nodded again.

  
"What about you Tyler? What do you like?" Josh questioned, looking over to the taller boy.

  
Tyler shrugged, looking down at his hands.

  
"I say I like anything but that's not true." Tyler mumbled.

  
"I like chocolate ice cream but not vanilla. And I like rock music but I hate country." Tyler said a bit louder this time.

  
"You know Josh, people say that they hear me when I say things but I don't want people to just hear what I say. I want them, no, I _need_ them to listen to me."  Tyler admitted, his body tensing up more by the second.

  
Josh nodded, understanding what Tyler meant.

  
"I know what you mean." Josh muttered to himself.

  
Tyler looked over to Josh, calming down a bit and giving him a weak smile.

  
Tyler was gay, and he hated himself for it. He had told his family and they had denied it, as if he were asking for their permission to be gay.

  
"No you aren't." His mother had stated simply as she continued to do the dishes.

  
"You _aren't_ gay Tyler, you need to stop listening to that music." She had said another time.

  
Tyler had cried himself to sleep because all he wanted was to be on good terms with himself. Tyler had been so incredibly mean to his body, he had butchered it into oblivion. Josh, however had helped him, even though he had only been in Tyler's life for not even a day. Josh's freckles and his eyes that were the color of the bark on a flowering dogwood. His hair that was the color of the pale blue morning sky. _Okay_ , so Tyler may have just a tad bit of a crush on Josh, but Josh didn't need to know that.  
They walked down the uncrowded streets of Ohio and Josh smiled to himself. Tyler looked over and chuckled.

  
"What are you smiling about?" Tyler asked fondly.

  
Josh shrugged with a small grin.

  
"Just happy I guess." Josh mumbled.

  
Tyler shook his head and looked down at his feet.

  
Josh was shivering, he only had a pair of thin ripped jeans on and a long sleeve shirt made of a cheap material. Tyler removed his hoodie of his favorite basketball team and handed it to Josh.

  
"Here, put this on." Tyler said.

  
Josh shook his head,

  
"No, you'll be cold Tyler." Josh said through trembling lips.

  
"If I were cold I wouldn't have given it to you." Tyler reiterated

  
Josh slipped the oversized hoodie onto his skinny frame and breathed in Tyler's scent that was covering the jacket. It smelled of Axe body spray and lavender hand soap.

  
"Thanks" Josh mumbled to Tyler.

  
They eventually arrived back at Tyler's house and went into the living room. Tyler turned on the T.V  and browsed through the channels, stopping at Titanic.

  
"Seriously" Josh laughed

  
"It's an ironic film masterpiece" Tyler chuckled in response.

  
Halfway through the movie Josh began to dose off into sleep.

  
"You tired?" Tyler questioned, looking over at Josh.

  
Josh nodded sleepily.

  
Tyler's heart sped up as he took a move,

  
"C'mere" He mumbled.

  
Josh gave him a questioning look but gave in out of tiredness.

  
Josh scooted closer to Tyler and lay on his lap. Tyler ran his fingers through Josh's hair and smiled to himself. Josh's hair was soft and curly. His face looked calm, not worried.

 

His chest moved up and down slowly, light snores emerging.

  
Tyler wondered how somebody could hurt him, how somebody could take advantage of someone, so- so just _beautiful_. He was easily the nicest person Tyler had ever met, he wasn't like other people and that's what Tyler liked about him. Tyler felt at peace when he looked at Josh and his body relaxed. He felt his eyelids got heavy and his head fell onto the cushion behind him.

  
"I love you Josh." Tyler mumbled to himself as he fell asleep.

  
He awoke to the sound of the front door opening and high heeled footsteps.

  
"Tyler I brought pizza home because your father and I are going out for the night." Tyler's mom said as she made her way upstairs.

  
"Where are you guys going?" Tyler questioned through a yawn.

  
"We go out on the first Friday of every month, and today is the first Friday." She said from the top of the stairs.

  
"Oh" Tyler said to himself.

  
"How is Josh doing?" His mom questioned from her room.

  
"He's good, asleep right now." Tyler explained

  
He heard his mom walking around upstairs and then coming down the stairs.

  
She had a dress on with a black trench coat over it and had cleaned up her makeup.

  
"Love you mom" Tyler said as she was going out the front door.

  
"Oh, that reminds me" she said from the other side of the house.

  
Tyler heard her footsteps come nearer to him and she walked into the living room.

  
"I love you honey, you boys be safe." She smiled, placing a kiss on his forehead.

  
"Okay mom, you kids have fun now." Tyler replied with sarcasm.

  
 She shook her head and smiled before leaving and yelling one last 'I love you' as the door shut behind her.

  
Tyler heard a car door shut and then drive away.

  
Tyler yawned and stretched his arms out.

  
Josh was still sound asleep on his lap.

  
Tyler wanted so badly to kiss him, he was just so, _pretty_. But he knew Josh didn't like him like that, he didn't seem like the type that would be gay. Tyler knew how bad that sounded but he truly believed that only certain people were gay, or maybe that was the only kind he had ever seen. Not that he was an expert on homosexuality, but from the few other homosexuals he had seen in his life, they all carried themselves a certain way. Whether it be "bolder" fashion choices, or more so a stereotypical feminine posture. They all had a certain aura about them and Josh simply didn't have it.

  
Josh flinched and then made a few inaudible noises before peeling his eyes open. He saw Tyler and smiled widely.

  
"Good Morning, or night, whatever time it is" Josh chuckled tiredly.

  
Tyler shook his head and laughed.

  
"It's around 7:30 at night." Tyler clarified while looking at Josh.

  
They looked at each other for a long while, not breaking eye contact. Tyler wanted to kiss him and he wanted to just hold him but he couldn't, he couldn't put Josh in that situation. Josh had nobody else, he couldn't make him feel like this was the only place he could go and if he didn't like him back he would be kicked out. Tyler didn't know how to deal with what he was feeling. Josh smiled, still looking at Tyler.

  
"What?" Tyler giggled.

  
Josh shook his head,

  
 "Nothing" he replied with a grin.

  
"What are you smiling at?" Tyler tried again with a fond tone.

  
"I-it's just that _you're so_ ," Josh stopped before starting again, "You're so _cute_." he chuckled.

  
Tyler felt a deep blush creep up his neck and onto his cheeks.

  
"I'm cute am I?" Tyler question, amusement in his voice.

  
"Yeah, you are." Josh replied, more like he was clarifying it to himself.

  
Tyler smiled and bit his lower lip.

  
He leaned in close to Josh's face and he could feel the older boys breath on his lips.

  
"Would you mind if I kissed you Josh?" Tyler breathed.

  
Josh shook his head slowly.

  
 Tyler connected their lips together and felt warm soft ones on his own slightly chapped ones. Their lips didn't move in sync at first but they found their way around. The kiss wasn't rushed or fast. It was slow, more like a practice round. Josh's lips were plump and welcoming, and Tyler loved every second of it. He smelled of strawberry shampoo and coffee beans.

  
 Josh leaned deeper into the kiss and wrapped his frail arms around Tyler's neck. His heart was beating from his chest and he was sure Tyler could hear it. His mind felt as if it had turned to mush, all of his senses were being drown with Tyler and only Tyler. He relished in Tyler's warmth, it was a type of gentleness that he had never experienced before. His father had always been so rough with him, never as loving or gentle as Tyler was. His mother used to hug him and tuck him into bed gently but that was so long ago. Tyler held Josh close to him, as if he would break if he were too far away. Josh wanted to get even closer to Tyler even though there wasn't even a millimeter between them.  
They eventually broke away, each one heaving for breath as they did.

  
"W-was that okay?" Tyler stuttered nervously.

  
Josh smiled and leaned in for another kiss.

  
"It was perfect." He grinned.

  
Tyler smiled widely and brought Josh close to him. They lay face to face on the couch, with their noses touching slightly. They could feel each others breath on their lips. Josh placed a soft kiss on Tyler's lips and then a kiss on his nose.

  
"Thank you Tyler." Josh whispered

  
"For what?" Tyler questioned, confused.

  
"For everything, for saving me from my dad, for just making me feel like I'm loved." Josh mumbled.

  
"I think I might love you Tyler." Josh muttered breathily.

  
Tyler could feel his heart skip a beat and his stomach flipped within his body.

  
"Really?" Tyler asked with wide eyes.

  
Josh simply nodded and Tyler hugged him close and kissed his lips softly but with more passion than the first time.

  
"You know Josh, I thought that you didn't like me." Tyler said sheepishly.

  
Josh scoffed at Tyler's statement and gave him a baffled look.

  
"Why would you think that?" Josh asked

  
Tyler shrugged and gave Josh a smile. Josh was curled into the crook of Tyler's neck and Tyler's head was resting on the top of Josh's.

  
"You hungry?" Tyler questioned into Josh's hair.

  
Josh nodded, but neither moved from their current position.

  
They got more and more tired and were about to fall asleep again,

  
"You wanna lay in my bed? It's a lot more comfortable." Tyler yawned sleepily.

  
Josh nodded, nearly asleep.

  
Tyler picked Josh's slender frame up, being extremely careful, scared that if he dropped him he would break into one million pieces. Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler's neck and rested his head on his shoulders. Tyler walked slowly up the narrow staircase and down the hall to his bedroom. He lay Josh on the mattress and covered him up with the thick cotton comforter that was crumpled messily on his bed. He changed into a pair of basketball shorts and got into bed as well, sleep suffocating all of his senses. He wrapped his arms around Josh's waist and pulled his frail body closer to his.

  
"Tyler?" Josh mumbled into his pillow

  
"Yeah?" Tyler replied sleepily

  
"What are you afraid of?" Josh questioned quietly

  
Tyler was a bit more awake now, confused at the randomness of Josh's question. He thought about it for a minute,

  
" _Nothing_ " Tyler replied.

  
Josh was quiet for a second,

  
"You're not afraid of _anything?"_ Josh asked, taken aback by Tyler's answer.

  
"No, I'm afraid of nothingness. I'm afraid that one day I'll be alone and have nothing but myself and silence." Tyler explained quietly.

  
Josh nodded, not quite understanding, but understanding enough to be able to relate.

  
"What are you afraid of?" Tyler asked.

  
Josh didn't hesitate with his answer,

  
"Helplessness." Josh paused, "I'm terrified of being in a situation where I know something horrible is going to happen and I can't do anything about it."

  
Tyler hugged Josh close and kissed his shoulder.

  
"He'll never hurt you again Josh" Tyler said firmly, anger in his voice.

  
"As long as my heart is beating ,I promise, he will never lay a hand on you again."

  
Josh felt his heart swell and stinging tears came to his eyes. He turned to face Tyler and put a hard kiss to his lips.

  
"I love you Tyler Joseph" Josh whispered

  
Tyler pulled Josh's waist and kissed his forehead.

  
"I love you too Josh."

  
"Goodnight." Tyler breathed into Josh's hair.

  
The next few months were like black licorice and cold sunny mornings. They were chapped lips and soft kisses in the tall, dew soaked grass. They were holding hands underneath the dining table and sneaking out late at night to look at the stars and make plans to visit outer space. 

  
"Do you ever wonder what else is out there?" Tyler had asked Josh one night as they were laying and pointing out constellations.

  
Josh had looked to him and smiled,

  
"It depends on what you mean. I wonder about a lot of things." Josh stated simply.

  
Tyler mused at him, he saw the stars in Josh's eyes, and he couldn't find anything in this universe that could describe how much he loved Josh. He used to describe his feelings as the smell of roses and the feeling of a really soft blanket. Except when he was smelling the rose he knew that they had thorns that could pierce his skin, but it was all worth it because the sweet scent of the rose would distract him from the pain.  
But now, he couldn't find a way to describe how he felt. Josh was like the sun on a freezing cold day or the feeling you get as a child before Christmas. He was the feeling of happiness and calm. He was the feeling of the thought of love, whatever "love" was, he was what it felt like. It was incredibly difficult and borderline impossible to describe what Josh was to Tyler, it was something that was deeper than the term love, it seemed too cliché to Tyler. It was more of an infatuation that was simply fueled by love.

  
"I mean, like do you think there's a smarter specie somewhere in the universe? We are so miniscule and unimportant in this universe, what else is out there." Tyler motioned to the sky with his hand.

  
Josh shook his head affectionately,  
"I think that we each have our own microscopic universe that we fill with people who amount to 9 trillion of those little universes." Josh said, still looking fondly at Tyler.

  
"I disagree." Tyler said simply.

  
Josh looked at him questioningly.

  
"What do you mean you _disagree?"_ Josh questioned.

  
"I mean I disagree." Tyler reiterated before continuing, "If we all have our own microscopic universes and we fill it with people that mean a lot to us then that means that I filled mine with you." Tyler paused. "And you, Joshua William Dun, you mean a lot more to me than 9 trillion little universes. You mean 8 trillion universes that are 10 times the size of our own." Tyler said, saying it as if he were lost in thought.

  
Josh smiled, looking back up at the stars.

  
"Well, in that case I disagree with you. Because you mean 10 trillion universes to me." Josh laughed.

  
Tyler admired the way Josh's face was lit underneath the moonlight. He studied every curve of his face and the way his faded blue hair was messily swept to the side of his forehead. He watched the way Josh's chest went up and down as he breathed. He looked at how Josh's fingers curled around his own and how his thumb rubbed over the same spot of skin on his hand. And it was all of these little features that caused Tyler to fall deeper and deeper in love with Josh, and their love was so much more than words could explain.  
A year passed and things changed drastically, but not necessarily in a bad way. Josh was falling in what felt like a never ending hole, every day he found something new to love about Tyler. The way that his eyes crinkle when he smiles or how his voice cracks when it's too early in the morning or too late at night.  
Josh was inevitably in love with Tyler Joseph, and there was nothing he could do about it. He was helpless, but he wouldn't have it any other way. They were lying in Tyler's bed one night, talking about anything and everything. They talked about how Tyler's scars were nearly gone and about how Josh's dad had gone to court and been sentenced to a 25 year incarceration time for sexual and physical battery and assault on a minor. Josh had been there and he had broke out in a cold sweat and began crying. His dad was sober for the first time in 15 years since his mom had died. Josh hadn't known if it was a front he had put on because law officials were there, but he hadn't cared, this was the dad he had prayed for his whole life.

  
"Josh, could I talk to you?" His dad had asked through teary eyes while the trial was on recess.

  
The photos of Josh's bruised and beaten body that Tyler had taken in his room had just been shown. Josh's ribs were visible as well as his hip bones, he had dark purple bruises and crimson red welts littering his pale complexion. Everyone in the room had gasped and a few had to cover their eyes. Tyler had been glaring at Josh's father the entire time, clenching his fists at his side and his entire body was tense with pure hatred for the man that had hurt his Josh so badly.

  
"I don't know if that's a good idea." Josh had mumbled, not making eye contact with the man in front of him.

  
His dad nodded.

  
"Josh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for what I did to you, do you hear me?" The man's voice cracked.

  
Josh could feel a lump in his throat growing and the pit in his stomach grew larger.

  
"I love you. You're my son and I will always hate myself for what I did to you." He began to cry.

  
Josh didn't say anything, he only listened to what this man that had made his life hell had to say.

  
"I accept what I did, and I deserve to be locked away. But I need you to know, that I will _never_ forgive myself and that I love you." He was lead away by two officers back into the courtroom for his sentence.

  
Josh had broken down in the hallway, tears streaming down his face. Tyler had hugged him tightly and told him that everything would be okay.

  
"Shh, Shh, you're okay. We're okay, I'll make sure of that." Tyler had whispered in his ear.

  
Josh remembered that day vividly, it was one of the worst days of his life. Seeing the person who abused you mentally and physically for years is one thing, but seeing your father that wasn't the same person from the drunken monster who abused you; that's something completely different.

  
They talked about how Josh was healthy again. He was eating now and even though he was still quite thin, the doctors had said that he had the nutrition that was vital to his health.

  
"I saw that you're bruises are almost all gone." Tyler said, looking over to Josh through the darkness of the room.  
Josh could see the faint outline of Tyler's body and he nodded slightly. He tried to figure out where Tyler's face was, he felt around until his hand was flat on Tyler's nose and mouth. Tyler snorted and Josh could feel him smiling against his hand. Tyler leaned forward and kissed his mouth softly.

  
"What would I do without you?" Tyler asked after they had broken apart.

  
Josh shrugged,  
"You would just cry all the time." Josh joked.

  
Tyler had chuckled,  
"Yes, I would just be _constantly_ crying, I would just be at the dinner table and have tears just pooling on my plate." Tyler had laughed.  
Josh nodded,

  
"Yeah, pretty much." he smiled.

  
They had gone to a store one of the previous weeks and Josh had been shopping around. He was in the shirt section and a guy had been flirting with him. Josh had ignored them as they were drunk and annoying. Josh could smell the alcohol on the older man's breath, and he looked to be 24 or 25.

  
"Hey, you" The man slurred drunkenly, Josh continued to act fixated on the clothing rack.

  
The man tried again,

  
 "You know that you hear me you little slut!" He had spat, but Josh had continued to ignore him.

  
Tyler had just gone into the dressing room on the opposite side of the store. But Josh just wanted him to come back and claim him again.

  
"I have a boyfriend." Josh mumbled.

  
The man looked amused and had an evil glint in his eyes.

  
"I don't see him anywhere." He said quietly into Josh's ear.

  
Josh began to walk away but the man grabbed his wrist and twisted it around.

  
"Let me go!" Josh had yelled.

  
The man didn't budge and his grip only tightened as he began to drag Josh out of the store. Josh looked frantically around for anyone, but they were in a desolate area of the store late at night. Josh's heart began to beat hard, he was too weak to fight and he was having flashbacks of when his dad used to beat him. This man was easily twice his size and could break him in half.

  
"TYLER HELP!" Josh yelled as loud as he could.

  
The man didn't stop, he acted as if Josh had said nothing.

  
"JOSH? WHERE ARE YOU?" Tyler had yelled back.

  
He came into the room where the exit was and charged toward the man who had both of Josh's wrists at his mercy. He wasn't nearly as tall as this man but Josh knew that he was relatively strong.

  
"Let him fucking go" Tyler growled.

  
Josh was surprised because Tyler never cussed, at anything. Like he was very good when it came to being _G rated_.   
 The man laughed and threw a punch in Tyler's direction. Tyler avoided it and then punched the man square in the nose. The man stumbled backwards and grabbed his nose, letting go of Josh. Tyler grabbed him and they made a run for the door.

 

"COME BACK HERE!" The drunken man began running towards them at full speed, before giving up halfway to their car and passing out in the parking lot.

  
After they had gotten to their car, Josh had began to cry. Tyler hugged him tightly and whispered sweet nothings in his ear.

  
"I told you that I would never let anyone hurt you again and I meant it." Tyler said, anger still bubbling in his voice.

  
"I'm tempted to go run him over." Tyler said, looking over at Josh as if he were waiting for approval.

  
Josh laughed slightly and shook his head.

  
"I love you Josh." Tyler said, as they began to pull out of the parking lot.

  
"I love you more." Josh said, kissing Tyler on the cheek.

 

"Do you remember our first time?" Tyler had asked quietly.

  
Josh gave Tyler a puzzled look through the dark, turning on his side to face him.

  
"What, like _sex?"_ Josh questioned.

  
Tyler was silent for a second,

  
"Yeah." He mumbled.

  
Josh refrained from asking him how he could forget.

  
"No I don't Tyler, I forgot how I lost my virginity." Josh stated sarcastically.

  
Tyler giggled and Josh could tell that he was smiling that cute smile that made him melt.

  
"Okay, just wondering." Tyler had stated, holding his hands up in fake defense.

  
Josh remembered it so _vividly_ , he remembered that it was like laying in your bed after a long day of working in the heat. It was like getting into a warm shower in a freezing cold house. It was, _perfect_ , but perfect would be too much of an understatement. Tyler was always so gentle with him, he was always careful as to not hurt him in any way.

  
"I love you Josh." Tyler had breathed against the skin on his neck.

 

He had placed gentle kisses on nearly every inch of his skin. Whispering things against his skin as he did.

  
"You're so beautiful" He had said against Josh's torso.

  
" _God_ , you're just so, perfect."

  
Josh had stifled a moan but it came out as more of a whimper. Tyler had continued to kiss every part of his body.

  
"Please Tyler." Josh had moaned into the air.

  
He didn't even know what he was asking for, but somehow Tyler knew.

  
Tyler had been hovered over Josh and he could feel his warmth. Josh wanted every inch of  Tyler, he wanted to breathe him in forever and never stop.  
Josh leaned up and connected their lips together, Tyler kissed back eagerly biting at Josh's bottom lip. Josh had moaned into the kiss and kissed back with equal amounts of neediness.

  
"I love you so goddamn much Joshua Dun." Tyler had breathed onto Josh's lips.

  
Josh had moaned so loudly that night, both of them were surprised that somebody didn't call the cops.

  
"S-so per-perfect." Tyler stuttered as his climax approached.

  
He kissed Josh long and hard as the warmth in his stomach pooled over and flooded his whole body.

  
"F- _fuck_ Tyler." Josh mumbled, drunk on the feeling of pure ecstasy.

  
Tyler had collapsed on top of Josh, their sweaty bodies colliding. He kissed Josh once more before rolling off of him and onto the bed.

  
"I love you." Josh mumbled tiredly.

  
"Love you more." Tyler half mumbled, sleep overtaking his body.

  
They lay in the dark quietly, both could tell that the other was grinning.

  
"Hey Josh," Tyler had yawned.

  
"Hi Tyler" Josh joked.

  
"Oh shut up you dork, I was going to say we should go to the beach tomorrow." Tyler suggested.

  
Josh had never been to the beach, he had never even been out of _Columbus_ before.

  
"That sounds fun." Josh had smiled.

  
"Where is the closest one? We live in Ohio not Florida."  Josh had stated sarcastically.

  
Tyler chuckled to himself,

  
"It's in New Jersey, about eight hours away." Tyler yawned.

  
Josh nodded,

  
"Would we be staying the night?" He had questioned.

  
Tyler was quiet for a moment,

  
"Yeah I was thinking a few days, we haven't really done something _'romantic'_ in a while." Tyler added.

  
Josh nodded,

  
"Oh so you're a hopeless romantic now?" Josh laughed quietly.

  
Tyler didn't say anything but Josh could feel him nodding slightly on his shoulder.

  
Tyler curled into Josh's side and nuzzled his head into the crook of his neck.

  
"Goodnight" Josh whispered

  
"M'night" Tyler breathed onto Josh's neck.

  
They woke up early the next morning and began packing their things. They decided that they would get snacks and things on the way there.

  
"Josh, have you seen my swimming trunks?" Tyler yelled from his room.

  
"Yeah Tyler, I was wearing them around for fun the other day." Josh joked in a sarcastic tone.

  
He heard Tyler laughing and  he could imagine him shaking his head fondly. They were ready to go at around 7 in the morning meaning they would get to their hotel at about 3 in the afternoon, giving them three or four hours of daylight to waste.

  
They put their things in the car and wished Tyler's parents goodbye.

  
"Josh, I didn't sleep well last night, could you drive halfway and then we'll switch?" Tyler had asked as they were about to get into the car.

  
Josh nodded and Tyler threw him the keys to his car.

  
They got on the interstate and Josh put on some music. Tyler had insisted that they roll the windows down because the weather was so nice and Josh had eventually given in. Warm summer air blew through the car and American Idiot blasted through the speakers.  
Tyler smiled to himself as he put his hand out the window and sang along. Josh felt like he couldn't be happier. Except he could be happier because what happened next only lasted a few seconds but felt like it lasted 20 years. A car had come from an exit and crashed into the passenger side. Josh saw it all happening as if it was in slow motion, he saw the car going way too fast but by the time he reacted it was too late. He heard Tyler scream for him to watch out and he felt as Tyler grabbed his arm tightly. There were horns honking and tires screeching. The whole world went black.  
Josh was fading in and out of consciousness, he heard sirens ringing in his ears and people yelling and engines revving. There were bright lights and then his vision went blurry again and he passed out once again.  
The next time he woke up he was in a room with bright fluorescent lights. His whole body ached and felt as if it had been put through a meat grinder. His eyes wouldn't focus on anything and his thoughts were fuzzy. He couldn't put sense into anything. He was groggy, the lights hurt his eyes and made the ringing in his ears worse than it already was. It was difficult to breath, it hurt to take even the slightest inhale. He looked to the opposite side of the bed and saw a young nurse typing on a laptop. They made eye contact and Josh saw her body relax.

  
"Oh thank god." She breathed.

  
Josh was confused, he didn't know where he was or what was happening. The sound of faint beeping filled his ears along with doors closing and footsteps. He could hear faint voices down the hall but couldn't make out what they were saying.

  
"Joshua William Dun, are you awake?" The nurse said loudly.

  
Josh looked toward her and nodded,

  
"I think?" Josh mumbled, his throat was dry.

  
She nodded,

  
"I'm going to do a few tests on you"

  
Josh didn't know exactly what that meant but he went along with it anyway.

  
"Follow my finger with your eyes, okay?"

  
Josh nodded.  
He followed her finger the best he could before it became blurry and out of focus.  
She scrawled something on her notepad and nodded to herself.

  
"Okay I'm going to shine a light in your eyes now, don't look directly at it though."

  
Josh nodded again.  
His vision went white and he couldn't see anything, after she took the light away his vision was dark before it finally came back into focus.

  
"Okay, it doesn't seem like you have any brain damage." She told him.

  
"But from the looks of it, you did get put through quite the wringer." She said as she looked through his records.  
The room smelled of latex gloves and antiseptic soap, Josh hated it. The nurse flipped through a few more papers before looking up at him and then back down.

  
"You fractured your wrist and got some internal bruising happening as well as a few generously sized ones on your body." She explained.

  
"Other than that you seem to be fine." She said with a smile.

  
Josh was starting to come to his senses, he had remembered what happened now.

  
"Where's Tyler?" Josh croaked weakly.

  
The nurse looked confused for a second before her face softened and she gave a sympathetic smile.

  
"Well, you see, since the collision occurred on Mr. Joseph's side.." She paused, "He obtained further _damage_ than yourself."

  
Josh didn't care what she had to say he just needed to see Tyler,

  
"Can I just see him?" Josh question, worry setting in.

  
Her face looked sad and she pointed to the opposite side of the room.  
There, lying in a hospital bed with an oxygen tube and an array of wires attached to him was the boy that Josh had fallen so deeply in love with. His clothes were ripped and bloody and he had a neck brace that was wrapped around his neck. His face had cuts and bruises and his left eye was swollen and purple.   
Josh tried to get up but h hurt to badly and an IV that was attached to his arm held him back.

  
"No, oh god no" Josh whispered under his breath.

  
"His left lung was punctured and his ribs have been broken. He has severe brain trauma and brain bleeding." The nurse explained solemnly.

  
She took a deep breath before going on,

  
"He has a 1 in 300,000 chance of living." She said quietly.  
Josh felt hot tears brim in his eyes and a lump in his throat grow until he felt like a weight the size of a house was on his chest.

  
"We were going to the beach. He wanted to take me to the beach, so we went." Josh whispered with a cracking voice.

  
"It should have been me." Josh repeated to himself over and over.

  
The nurse looked at Josh like it was the saddest thing she had ever seen.  
Josh blamed himself for Tyler's condition. He fell into a deep depression.  
Tyler's parents came to visit them everyday, along with other various family members of his. They all cried by Tyler's bedside, and Josh knew that it was all his fault. He knew that it should be him in that condition, he had nobody that would cry over him or care if it were him. Tyler had people that loved him, Josh had nobody.  
Josh was released from the hospital a week later, but he didn't leave Tyler's side. He stayed day and night, not eating, not sleeping, fearing that if he left or let his guard down for even a second that Tyler would slip through his fingers.  
He held Tyler's cold and limp hand and prayed to whatever God was listening every day that Tyler would wake up. He talked to Tyler every day too, hoping that he could hear him and not be scared.

  
"Remember when we first kissed?" Josh asked with a broken voice.

  
"It was on your couch and I had called you cute and then you kissed me." Josh paused and tried to collect himself, "I remember that every butterfly in my stomach was fluttering around and I was so smiley afterwards." Tears were streaming down his face now.

  
"You know the doctors are saying that you will get better, and I can't wait until I can see that smile of yours again."

  
Josh waited by Tyler's side for four months, not moving only hoping and praying that his Tyler would wake up. Everyone assured Josh that it wasn't his fault, they told him that he shouldn't be so hard on himself, but he couldn't help it.

  
He ran through that day over and over in his head, thinking about what he could have done differently, what he could change so he could still wake up to Tyler sleeping beside him every morning.

  
Josh was drowning and everyone around him was breathing. He could hear people laughing outside of the door and he despised them. He despised that they could still be happy, that they could still function every day when Tyler was fighting like this.

  
Tyler had opened his eyes one day and looked at Josh and he had smiled widely. Josh felt his heart jump and he had began to cry tears of joy.

  
"TYLER? ARE YOU AWAKE?" Josh had questioned desperately, but it was too late, Tyler had already closed his eyes again.

  
 The first time that had happened Josh had blamed himself again, saying that if he had done something differently Tyler would have stayed awake. The doctors had told Josh and Tyler's parents that it was a good sign. A sign that Tyler's brain was showing more activity every day, they said that he would most likely wake up in less than a month.  
Josh was never the type to get his hopes up, but this was so much more. He began to count the days on the calendar, getting more excited with each one that passed. It was the 25th of October, 2:45 in the morning to be exact. There were only 5 more days until the end of the month and Josh was nearly jumping for joy.  
An ear piercing screech filled the room and Josh's eyes shot open. Nurses and doctors began to rush into the room screaming,

  
"WE HAVE A CODE BLUE, I REPEAT WE HAVE A CODE BLUE" One nurse yelled.

  
They rushed in and began telling Josh that he had to get out. Josh had refused desperately asking what was happening and if Tyler was okay.

  
"SIR YOU NEED TO GET OUT NOW!" A shorter lady had yelled.

  
"IS TYLER OKAY?" Josh had pled desperately.

  
Beeping started to blare into the air. Josh felt two pairs of arms grab him and drag him into the hallway as he was fighting them the best he could.

 

The door shut behind him and he heard voices frantically counting down before yelling "CLEAR".

  
"OKAY RESUME CPR" One voice yelled.

  
He heard counting before another voice yelling, "ALL CLEAR!"

  
This went on for an hour and a half. Josh had asked everyone what was going on but all he got was ,

  
"Sir, please calm down, it's going to be okay."

  
The room went silent. The voices became muted and the beeping stopped.

  
A man's voice began to speak,

  
"Time of death 3:17 a.m."  
Josh felt his world crumble around him and his heart felt as if it were ripped from his chest. He collapsed onto the floor and began to sob uncontrollably. His entire body was trembling and he couldn't get it to stop.

  
_"TYLER!"_ He screamed through tears.

  
"BUT I LOVE HIM! PLEASE GOD I _LOVE_ HIM!" Josh sobbed into the air.

  
People began to come out of the room, looking exhausted. They all looked defeated.

  
"Please, no, please do _something_ , _anything_ , _PLEASE!"_ Josh pled as tears streamed down his face.

  
They apologized to him and told him that they did everything that they could, that they lost him.  
Josh was certain that this was what dying felt like. Josh walked into the room and saw the boy that had once seen the universe in his eyes, laying lifeless and limp in the white hospital bed. He sobbed into Tyler's chest and begged him to come back.

  
"Please Tyler, wake up, we're going to the beach _remember?_ Don't you remember Tyler?" Josh held Tyler's face and kissed him, pleading him to wake up.

  
"Come on Tyler, don't be like this, wake up please. _Wake up for me."_ Josh was cut off by sobs filling his throat.

  
Josh cursed God and he cursed the universe for taking Tyler away.

  
"HE DIDN'T FUCKING DESERVE THIS YOU ASSHOLE!" Josh screamed at the top of his lungs to the ceiling.

  
He fell to his knees and kissed Tyler's hand, grasping it for dear life.  
And in that minute Josh realized something, he realized that there was nothing.  
No voices, no footsteps, the humming of the oxygen machine had ceased and the heart monitor was no longer beeping steadily. It was silent. He remembered how Tyler had told him that he was afraid of nothing. How he was terrified of having nothing but himself and silence. Josh hadn't understood then, but he did now. He finally understood why Tyler Joseph, the boy with the skin that was softer than the petal of a rose and the laugh that was brighter than the sun itself was afraid of silence. Because now Josh was holding the lifeless body of his best friend and the person who had showed him that there was more to life than dark rooms and flickering streetlights and stinging skin.

  
"You lied" Josh said through tears.

  
"You promised  to never let anyone hurt me and you lied."

  
"Because this hurts me more than anyone ever could."

  
"I love you Tyler."

  
Josh waited for Tyler to tell him that he loved him more, like he always did.

  
But the response Josh needed so badly to hear never came.

  
Because Tyler Joseph, the boy that held the feeling of comfort and home in his eyes and had once seen the universe in Josh's, was dead. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, wait, no I'm not. I'm a stone cold merciless b I t c h. But I'm crying, you're probably crying but there's more sad ass fics to come hahahahaha. :')


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